WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE GOING TO ENGLAND

“Alright?” That is how I would greet you if we were in England meeting up for a cheeky Nando’s before jumping on the tube to go for a quick pint and some footie.

Did some of that not make complete sense? Don’t fret mate. I’ve learned much over my considerable amount of time spent in England over the last few years and I want to share a few tidbits of wisdom with you so you feel chuffed on your next visit, fitting right in with the locals. This isn’t an exhaustive list, I’m not getting into SIM cards or plug in adaptors, but more little bits of info to make your trip just a little bit more fucking awesome. So here we go, what to know before going to England.

The general geography of where you’re going. British Isles? The United Kingdom? Great Britain?

Yup, I used to get sooo confused by this. So here’s a breakdown.

The British Isles includes Ireland, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England
The United Kingdom includes Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England
Great Britain includes Scotland, Wales, England.

Easy, right? But no stress if you don’t remember all of this however, one of my British friends admitted after a few drinks at the pub that she even had a hard time keeping it straight.

THE EMERGENCY NUMBER IS 999

Alright?

That is how you will often find yourself greeted while in England, sometimes with a mate thrown in for good measure. Alright? Is said just like that, as a question, however don’t think much of an answer is expected. A simple alright back or good thanks, you? Is more than sufficient. If you had a bad day this is not an invitation to go into a deep explanation why. Save that for catching up over a pint.

Quick pint, or swift half, sounds like a quick drink, right? Hahahaha, no.

I’m not sure if this is a running joke from an individual incident that caught on to the general public or just some country wide sarcasm, but a quick pint is NOT a quick pint. If you’re invited out for one of these don’t be fooled, expect to find yourself drunk on a street corner at 2am eating some takeaway kebab. Embrace the culture, enjoy the beer and the late night grub, live a little. I have a fond memories of eating cheesy fries in Camden Town in London and sitting on the side of the road eating who knows what from a vendor on the street in Oxford humming the theme song for Harry Potter. I definitely suggest going along with a quick pint, just make sure you don’t have any plans for afterwards.

Eating at a pub? Order at the bar.

If you sit at your table waiting for a waiter to come to you and take your order, you will be there a very long time. Also know that lemonade is usually a fizzy drink like Sprite and iced tea isn’t really a popular thing. If your friends are all going for another drink and you don’t want to seem lame but can’t do another pint, no worries, they come in halfs. I also noticed that taking turns buying rounds is a very common thing, so don’t think all your British buds are being nice buying you endless bevies, take your turn to buy for the table.

Sitting in or take away?

Is what you’ll hear at fast food and coffee shops. Pretty straight forward, sitting in means you’ll be enjoying the food on the premises, take away means taking it away. Do know though that a lot of places will charge more for the same item if you say sitting in, basically it’s to cover the use of toilets/wifi/heating while you’re there. As someone who takes FOREVER to drink a hot drink I’d often get takeaway and sit for a bit. I have yet to be kicked out or scorned at for doing so but know you’re kind of breaking the rules if you do so. Bit of a rule breaker, and sensitive to hot drinks, so I take the risk.

A few transit tips

The subway is called The Underground officially and The Tube by everyone. Avoid it at rush hour. Being on a crowded non-air conditioned tube is awful, I nearly fainted the one time I made that mistake. The tube is also cheaper outside of rush hour, something my friend living in London didn’t even know, so save your quids while having a better journey. While on escalators remember to stand on the right and walk on the left. In Canada we already do this, but apparently tourists are known for not following this and is considered a big baddie from the locals. Get an Oyster card. It’s worth it and you’ll feel like a local which is fun.

Englanders talk about the weather. A lot.

Just go with it. England is a fairly grey place weather wise, however they do get blessed with sunlight and when they do EVERYONE GOES OUT. An absolutely stunning day is treated like a holiday almost. On the other hand, snow disrupts EVERYTHING. I was there once in winter and remember hearing about a blizzard while at the pub. I tried returning to my hostel to find the tube was completely shut down. I roamed around a deserted Camden in sooo much snow.. that didn’t even cover my boots. Couple inches, maybe. As a Canadian I found this absolutely hilarious.

They love their tea.

I remember landing in Gatwick airport on my first trip to England and immediately seeing an advertisement about going home for a “cuppa”. Cuppa is the super adorable word for a cup of tea and I fucking love it. If you’re offered a cuppa in while in England I suggest you accept it, even if you don’t really fancy tea, and especially if you’re a guest at someones home. From my experience if you turn down a cuppa the host will just continue to offer it until you eventually think fuckit and accept it except now the kettle is gone cold and they have to go through the whole process again just for you. So save yourself all that awkwardness and drink the damn tea, alright? Bonus tip. In some crazy parts of the world apparently people put their milk in BEFORE the tea bag. This is wrong. Don’t do it. I personally just drink it black cause I’m cool like that but it’s fine if you need to make the tea taste less like tea. Embrace your weak points, they make you the unique person you are.

Brits also LOVE to cue.

Seriously. They love doing it, complaining about it, giving the eye to those who try to skip it. It’s never called a line, it’s a queue. I’ve seen people join a queue simply because there is one in front of them even though they have absolutely no idea what they’re queuing up for. It’s like a serious past time and something you need to prepare yourself for doing. And even if an opportunity strikes, do not dare skip the queue.

DON’T TALK ABOUT BREXIT.

Even if you’re asked about it, unless you’re really good friends and know that you’re on the same page. Casual outing? Asked randomly by a stranger? Just pretend you’re too dumb for an opinion or just say you’re not informed enough to make a decision. Whatever that moves the conversation along. If you’re Canadian DO mention that though. I noticed on numerous occasions that people would lighten up or be a lot cooler with me when I said I was from Canada and not the US (sorry for those from the US, just sharing what I’ve felt). Also, older folk seem to really love Justin Trudeau and enjoy sharing that with you. It’s like they’re obsessed with him and it’s kind of cute, regardless of your opinion on Trudeau (which if it’s negative, keep it to yourself, don’t upset the seniors).

Also don’t call football soccer.

You can call it footie though, which is fun. Be mindful of where you’re watching games and what you’re saying about said games. I recall watching a Liverpool vs Watford game in Watford on one trip with a mate, both of us supporting Liverpool (go Reds!) We kept our mouths shut though, as some drunk local supporters started chucking beer glasses around when Watford was losing. People get reallllly into their footie. It’s not worth getting a black eye over.

A lot of places will have two taps.

It’s awful. One will be scalding hot and the other pretty much ice water. I guess it’s an olden days thing that just hasn’t been updated.

Here are some very common words/phases that you may not know.

Did you know pants are not what pants are in America? Pants are underwear. Trousers are pants. I learned this in a very embarrassing way. Learn from my mistakes. Here are a few other good words to know.

TEA TIME – dinner, not a cup of tea
QUID – a pound
CRISPS – chips
CHIPS – fries
WELLIES – boots
CASHPOINT – ATM
FAG – cigarette
AUBERGINE – eggplant
PRAWN – shrimp
ROCKET – arugula
PETROL – gas
TOILET/LOO/BOG – washroom
FIZZY DRINK – soda/pop
GUTTED – disappointed
SKINT – have no money
KNACKERED – tired
CHEMIST – pharmacist, where to get drugs like painkillers
HIGH STREET – Main Street
OFF LICENCE – liquor store
CHEERS – thanks
NOSH – foodPROPER – very, extremely
TAKING THE PISS – mock, joke, be sarcastic
PISSED – drunk
BLOODY – fun way to swear without really swearing and sooo British I love it
I’M EASY – not anything sexual, willing to go along with what others decide

There are loads of others but these are ones that I could think of at the top of my head. Definitely remember the pants thing though.

Well I’m knackered now, think it’s time for a cuppa and Black Books.

One last tip. You can spend a shit ton of time looking up all the things you should or shouldn’t do when you visit somewhere, reading reviews on every single restaurant, learning all the ins and outs of a place. I do definitely suggest doing a bit of research before an adventure, especially if you’re going solo, as it’ll make you feel a lot more confident.

But a lot of what makes travel fun is roaming around a new place and seeing what you discover. I tried writing this post more on little things I learned the hard way, or wish I had known as a solo traveller, or have used to show off to new British friends how cool and in the know I am. So hopefully you found some if not all of this somewhat informative and mildly entertaining or at the very least will go check out Black Books because it is an awesome show and you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for some more England knowledge, check out my other post how to eat cheap in London.

Cheers!